Никита Кодацкий - Шиворот-навыворот
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Жестокие люди – взрослые. Они вообще склонны угнетать детей. Это очень обидно: то нельзя, этого нельзя, здесь не сиди, тут не стой. Мука! Помню, я однажды так затосковал от этой несправедливости, сел у окошка, сидел – сидел, и, ни с того ни с сего, вдруг такое надумал, что даже сам удивился. Я подумал: а чтобы было бы, если бы всё на свете было бы устроено наоборот. Если бы дети были во всём главные, а взрослые во всём бы их слушались!? Дети были бы как взрослые, а взрослые – как дети. Очень интересно было бы. Я представляю, как бы маме понравилась история, что я хожу по комнате и командаю ею как хочу. А – га! Да и папе бы, небось, тоже бы понравилось. А о бабушке и говорить нечего – она целыми днями от меня бы ревела бы. Что и говорить, - я бы показал им «по чём фунт лиха». Всё бы им припомнил.
Вот, например, мама бы сидела за обедом, а я бы ей сказал: «Ты почему это, завела моду есть без хлеба? Вот ещё новость! Ты погляди на себя в зеркало, - на кого ты стала похожа – вылитый Кощей. Ешь скорее, - тебе говорят». –
И она бы стала есть, опустив голову. А я бы только подавал команду:
«Быстрее – быстрее. Да не держи за щекой. Опять задумалась? Всё решаешь мировые проблемы? Жуй как следует, и н-не раскачивайся на стуле…»
И тут вошел бы папа после работы, и не успел бы он раздеться, а я бы уже закричал:
«А-га, явился?! Значит, вечно тебя ждать приходится?! А ну, сейчас же руки мой. Как следует, как следует мой. Нечего грязь размазывать, - после тебя на полотенце невозможно смотреть! Щёткой три и не жалей мыла! Ну-ка покажи ногти. Ой! Это ужас, а не ногти, - это просто когти! Где ножницы? Не дёргайся - не дёргайся, н-не скачи. Мясо не режу, не режу, а стригу, очень даже осторожно. И не хлюпай носом, - ты не девчонка. Вот так. А сейчас садись к столу». –
И он бы сел за стол и тихонечко спросил бы у мамы:
«Э… Ну как поживаешь?» -
А она бы тоже тихонечко ответила:
«Ничего, спасибо».
А я бы немедленно:
«Разговорчики за столом! Когда я ем – я глух и нем. Запомните это на всю жизнь. Золотое правило… Папа, - положи газету сейчас же, наказание ты моё». –
И они бы сидели бы у меня как шелковые…
А уж когда бы пришла бабушка, я бы прищурился, всплеснул бы руками и заголосил бы:
«Папа, мама, - полюбуйтесь-ка на нашу бабуленьку, - каков вид: грудь распахнута, шея взмылена, шапка на затылке, - хороша – нечего сказать! Признавайся: - опять в хоккей гоняла? А это? Что это такое за грязная палка? Зачем ты её в дом приволокла? Что это такое, это что – клюшка? Убери её счас же с глаз моих на чёрный ход!»…
И тут бы я прошелся по комнате, и сказал бы им всем троим: «После обеда все садитесь за уроки, а я в кино пойду». –
Ну, они, конечно бы заныли, захныкали:
«Мы с тобой, мы тоже, мы хотим в кино…» -
А я бы им:
«Ничего. Ничего – ничего. Вчера на Дне рождения были? – Были. В Воскресенье я вас в цирк водил? – Водил. Ишь, понравилось, понимаете, развлекаться каждый день! Дома сидите. Вот вам 30 копеек на мороженное и всё». –
Ну, тогда бы бабушка … взмолилась:
«Возьми ты хотя бы меня, - ведь каждый ребёнок может провести одного взрослого в кино, бесплатно». –
А я бы ответил: «А на эту картину людям после семидесяти лет вход запрещён! Сиди дома!».
И я бы прошелся мимо них, нарочно громко постукивая каблуками, как будто не замечаю, что у них…э… глаза мокрые…
А я бы стал одеваться, и я вертелся бы перед зеркалом и напевал, а они от этого ещё хуже бы мучались, а я бы приоткрыл дверь на лестницу и сказал… Э… Ну я не успел подумать, о чём бы я им сказал, потому что в комнату вошла мама – самая настоящая, живая и сказала:
«Ты ещё сидишь?! – Ешь, сейчас же, - тебе говорят! Посмотри, на кого ты стал похож – вылитый Кощей!»…
Cruel people are adults. They are generally inclined to oppress children. This is very disappointing: that is impossible, this is impossible, do not sit here, do not stand here. Flour! I remember that once I was so sharpening from this injustice, sat down at the window, sat - sat, and, for no reason, suddenly thought up that he was even surprised. I thought: so that it would be if everything in the world would be arranged the other way around. If the children were the main ones in everything, and the adults would have obeyed them in everything!? Children would be like adults, and adults like children. It would be very interesting. I can imagine how my mother liked the story that I walk around the room and commandy how I want it. A - ha! Yes, and dad would probably like it too. And there’s nothing to say about my grandmother - she would roar all day from me. Needless to say, I would show them "why the pound of a dashing." I would remember everything.
For example, my mother would sit at dinner, and I would tell her: “Why are you, you started to eat fashion without bread? Here's another news! You look at yourself in the mirror - who you looked like - spilled by Koschey. Eat sooner - they tell you. " -
And she would have to eat with her head bowed. And I would only give the command:
"Faster Faster. Do not hold on to the cheek. Thinking again? Do you solve world problems? Chew properly, and do not swing in a chair ... "
And then dad would come in after work, and he would not have had time to undress, and I would already scream:
“Ah, appeared?! So, you have to wait forever?! Well, now my hands. As follows, as mine. There is nothing to smear the dirt, - after you it is impossible to watch on a towel! Three brushes and do not spare soap! Well, show me the nails. Oh! This is horror, not nails - it's just claws! Where are the scissors? Do not twitch - do not twitch, n -do not download. I do not cut the meat, I do not cut, but a shelter, very carefully. And do not squish your nose - you are not a girl. Like this. Now sit down to the table. ” -
And he would sit down at the table and quietly asked his mother:
"Uh ... well, how are you?" -
And she would also answer quietly:
"Nothing, thank you."
And I would immediately:
“The conversations are at the table! When I eat, I am deaf and him. Remember this for a lifetime. The golden rule ... dad, - put the newspaper right now, you are my punishment. " -
And they would sit like silk ...
And when my grandmother came, I would squint, threw up with my hands and would have broken:
“Dad, mom, - admire to our grandmother,“ what is the appearance: the chest is open, the neck is soared, the hat is on the back of the head, “good - there is nothing to say! Admit: - Did you drive in hockey again? And this? What is it a dirty stick? Why did you get her into the house? What is it, is it a club? Take her out of my eyes to the black move! ”...
And then I would have walked around the room, and I would say to them all three: “After dinner, everyone sit down for lessons, and I’ll go to the cinema.” -
Well, they, of course, would have ached, whimper:
"We are with you, we, too, we want to be in the cinema ..." -
And I would like them:
"Nothing. Nothing - nothing. Were there any birthday yesterday? - Were. On Sunday, I drove you to the circus? - drove. Look, I liked it, you see, to have fun every day! Sit at home. Here you have 30 kopecks for ice cream and that's it. ” -
Well, then the grandmother would ... Prayed:
“At least you take me, because every child can spend one adult to the cinema, for free.” -
And I would answer: “And for this picture, people after seventy years are prohibited! Sit at home!".
And I would have walked past them, deliberately loudly tapping heels, as if I did not notice that they have ... uh ... my eyes were wet ...
And I would have dressed, and I would have spun in front of the mirror and sang, and they would have suffered even worse from this, and I would open the door to the stairs and said ... uh ... well, I didn’t have time to think about what I would tell them, because because What a mother entered the room - the real, alive and said:
“Are you still sitting?! - Eat, now, - they say to you! Look who you looked like - spilled by Koschey! ”...
For example, my mother would sit at dinner, and I would tell her: “Why are you, you started to eat fashion without bread? Here's another news! You look at yourself in the mirror - who you looked like - spilled by Koschey. Eat sooner - they tell you. " -
And she would have to eat with her head bowed. And I would only give the command:
"Faster Faster. Do not hold on to the cheek. Thinking again? Do you solve world problems? Chew properly, and do not swing in a chair ... "
And then dad would come in after work, and he would not have had time to undress, and I would already scream:
“Ah, appeared?! So, you have to wait forever?! Well, now my hands. As follows, as mine. There is nothing to smear the dirt, - after you it is impossible to watch on a towel! Three brushes and do not spare soap! Well, show me the nails. Oh! This is horror, not nails - it's just claws! Where are the scissors? Do not twitch - do not twitch, n -do not download. I do not cut the meat, I do not cut, but a shelter, very carefully. And do not squish your nose - you are not a girl. Like this. Now sit down to the table. ” -
And he would sit down at the table and quietly asked his mother:
"Uh ... well, how are you?" -
And she would also answer quietly:
"Nothing, thank you."
And I would immediately:
“The conversations are at the table! When I eat, I am deaf and him. Remember this for a lifetime. The golden rule ... dad, - put the newspaper right now, you are my punishment. " -
And they would sit like silk ...
And when my grandmother came, I would squint, threw up with my hands and would have broken:
“Dad, mom, - admire to our grandmother,“ what is the appearance: the chest is open, the neck is soared, the hat is on the back of the head, “good - there is nothing to say! Admit: - Did you drive in hockey again? And this? What is it a dirty stick? Why did you get her into the house? What is it, is it a club? Take her out of my eyes to the black move! ”...
And then I would have walked around the room, and I would say to them all three: “After dinner, everyone sit down for lessons, and I’ll go to the cinema.” -
Well, they, of course, would have ached, whimper:
"We are with you, we, too, we want to be in the cinema ..." -
And I would like them:
"Nothing. Nothing - nothing. Were there any birthday yesterday? - Were. On Sunday, I drove you to the circus? - drove. Look, I liked it, you see, to have fun every day! Sit at home. Here you have 30 kopecks for ice cream and that's it. ” -
Well, then the grandmother would ... Prayed:
“At least you take me, because every child can spend one adult to the cinema, for free.” -
And I would answer: “And for this picture, people after seventy years are prohibited! Sit at home!".
And I would have walked past them, deliberately loudly tapping heels, as if I did not notice that they have ... uh ... my eyes were wet ...
And I would have dressed, and I would have spun in front of the mirror and sang, and they would have suffered even worse from this, and I would open the door to the stairs and said ... uh ... well, I didn’t have time to think about what I would tell them, because because What a mother entered the room - the real, alive and said:
“Are you still sitting?! - Eat, now, - they say to you! Look who you looked like - spilled by Koschey! ”...