Stan Freberg - St. George and the Dragonet
текст песни

Narrator:
The legend you are about to hear is true. Only the needle should
be changed to protect the record.

St. George: This is the countryside. My name is St. George. I'm a knight.
Saturday, July 10th. 8:05 pm. I was working out of the castle on the night
watch when a call came in from the Chief. A dragon had been devouring
maidens. Homicide. My job: slay him.

You call me, Chief?
Chief:

Yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens. The King's daughter may be
next.

St. George:
Mmm-hmm. You got a lead?
Chief:

Oh, nothing much to go on. Say, did you take that .45 automatic into
the lab to have them check on it?

St. George: Yeah. You were right.
Chief:

I was right?
St. George:
Yeah. It was a gun.
8:22 pm. I talked to one of the maidens who had almost been
devoured.

Could I talk to you, Ma'am?
Maiden:
Who are you?
St. George:
I'm St. George, Ma'am. Homicide, Ma'am. Want to ask you a few
questions, Ma'am. I understand you were almost devoured by the Ma'am. Is
that right, dragon?

Maiden:
It was terrible. He breathed fire on me! He burned me already!
St. George:
How can I be sure of that, Ma'am?
Maiden:
Believe me, I got it straight from the dragon's mouth.
St. George:
11:45 pm. I rode over the King's Highway. I saw a man. Stopped
to talk to him.

Pardon me, Sir. Could I talk to you for just a minute, Sir?
Knave:

Sure, I don't mind.
St. George:
What do you do for a living?
Knave:

I'm a knave.
St. George: Didn't I pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts?
Knave:

Yeah. So what? Do you want to make a federal case out of it??
St. George:
No, Sir. We heard there was a dragon operating in this
neighborhood. We just to know if you've seen him.

Knave:
Sure, I seen him.
St. George:
Mmm-hmm. Could you describe him for me?
Knave:

What's to describe? You see one dragon, you seen 'em all.
St. George:
Would you try to remember, Sir? Just for the record. We just
want to get the facts, Sir!

Knave:

Well, he was, you know, he had orange polka dots . . .
St. George: Yes, Sir.
Knave:
Purple feet, breathing fire and smoke . . .
St. George:
Mmm-hmm.
Knave:

And one big bloodshot eye right in the middle of his forehead and,
uh, like that.

St. George:
Notice anything unusual about him?
Knave:

No, he's just your run-of-the-mill dragon, you know.
St. George:
Mmm-hmm. Yes, Sir. You can go now.
Knave:

Hey, by the way, how you gonna catch him?
St. George:
I thought you'd never ask. A Dragonet.
3:05 pm. I was riding back into the courtyard to make my report to
the lab. Then it happened.


It was the dragon.

Dragon:

Hey! I'm the fire-breathin' Dragon! You must be St. George, right?
St. George:
Yes, Sir.
Dragon:

I can see you got one of them new .45 caliber swords.
St. George:
That's about the size of it.
Dragon:

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! You slay me!!
St. George:
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Dragon:

What do you mean?
St. George:
I'm taking you in on a 502. You figure it out.
Dragon:

What's the charge?
St. George:
Devouring maidens out of season.
Dragon:

Out of season?!? You'll never pin that rap on me!! Do you hear me,
cop?!?!

St. George:
Yeah, I hear you. I got you on a 412 too.
Dragon:

A 412!!! What's a 412?!?!?
St. George:
Over-acting. Let's go.
Narrator:
On September the 5th, the Dragon was tried and convicted. His fire
was put out and his maiden-devouring license revoked. Maiden devouring out
of season is punishable by a term of not less than 50 or more than 300 years.